Hip restaurants make the worst dates

“I don’t know, where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know, where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know, where do you want to go?”

Darrell scored a date with Sally! But now they’re doing that back and forth “where do you want to go?” thing like a ping pong match.

Darrell breaks first.

“We could check out that new Neon Drink Artichoke Cafe on Hipster Street,” he says.

“Sure,” says Sally, up for anything.

When they arrive at the Neon Drink Artichoke Cafe everything is so … quirky. The layout of the restaurant is at disorienting odd angles. There is splashy modern art everywhere with an artichoke displayed prominently in each piece.

A waiter comes to their table and immediately starts pretending the three of them are the coolest people in the world. He launches into a company mandated conversation to ‘build rapport’

“What’s up my chill bros?” he says. “What are you guys experiencing tonight?”

“Um. Just kind of out on the town,” says Darrell.

“That’s totally awesome,” says the waiter. “Anyway, I was out partying this weekend and we stumbled into a club down the street, and guess who was DJing? One of the contestants from Survivor! It was unreal. Hey, I like your jacket. Can I get you started with anything?”

They order and eventually the food has arrived. But now that they are situated in this sort of culinary funhouse, they aren’t sure what to talk about. They’ve exhausted their chit chat. The restaurant is just obnoxious enough that you can’t get intimate but it’s not enough to be entertaining either.

Darrell’s mind is in a tailspin as he is trying to think of conversation. Where did that waiter go? He was so annoying before but now Darrell is actually wishing he’d come back to rescue the conversation.

They spend the rest of the night forcing idle chit chat and watching each other stab food with their forks.

Thus is timeless tale of dates at hip restaurants.

The Neon Drink Artichoke cafe is quicksand for dates that dare graze too close.

There are two far better options to the hip restaurant.

1.Get further out of your element. Whether it’s elephant rides, shooting guns at a shooting range, or wall climbing. You will each get to see what each other’s characters are like when you inevitably encounter new challenges outside of your comfort zone. Also, you will have more to talk about as you encounter these new experiences.

2. Get more comfortable. Instead of going to the Neon Drink Artichoke Cafe where you will be uncomfortable, why not just hang out at Sal’s Pizza and Steak house? You can both relax, and hopefully be able to talk and share a little more.

The danger zone is right in the middle of those two – the pseudo-exotic restaurant. Both too obnoxious to relax, but not genuinely interesting enough to support a date. When you expect your food to entertain you, that’s where the trouble starts and the date starts to nosedive.

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